Energetically Speaking Newsletter

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"Do I Really Have To Talk? Can't I Just Use Technology?"

Only If You Want: (1) Real friends, not just acquaintances; (2)True success in business and life; (3) To have fun and be playful; (4) To be included & connected with others; (5) To be happily married emotionally; (6) To raise well adjusted children.

We are losing our interpersonal communication skills at an alarming pace because we don't necessarily have to talk to get things done. We can't build relationships without having meaningful conversations that go deeper. Transparency about how you feel causes others to be more open to share insights they have learned by their experiences. Experience is the intelligent use of mistakes. To be willing to share your mistakes can be just the right ingredient for a more meaningful relationship with the bonus of building trust.

The less you talk yourself, the less likely you are to try to engage others in conversation. When no one talks in a group you start to wonder why you are even there. Does it matter that I am here? Who really cares? I could be home getting some work done. At least my work shows that I accomplished something. What good is my being here if no one talks to me? Not talking may be interpreted as not caring or respecting the people you are with. They may feel ignored and not worthy of your words.

News Flash! To have a friend… you need to BE one! Being around people is not enough. Ask for the opinion of others to make them feel important and give you more ideas. The benefits of direct contact are great if we just make the time. What matters most…the message or the messenger? What they said or who they are? Talking to someone gives them worth and value. I sat next to an Eskimo woman on our way home from Alaska. Before the end of our flight she gave me a recipe for a seal blubber appetizer, we exchanged contact information, and became friends as we laughed together about our differences. Before we left she confided that for the last three years that she has flown to see her daughter no one had talked to her. That day before she boarded she asked God to give her someone to talk to and I showed up. How honored and touched I was as we hugged good-by! I sent her my gift book, "Living Happily Ever Laughter" which she said the whole village read and enjoyed! She sent me a miniature Eskimo doll on a sled. I now have a precious memory and a new friend. Everyone of us has a huge invisible sign around our neck that reads "Make Me Feel Important." There is an inner joy when you know that you made someone feel better. People identify with you more in your weaknesses than in your strengths. Speaking with inflection, vocal variety, while using appropriate body language gives you a much better chance of being understood the first time. It's also helpful to ask questions to reinforce the value of the other person's comments. Words can be weapons in the wrong mouth or music to the ears of those hearing affirmations.

How can you get a conversation started when you don't know what to say? You could ask "what are you all about?" which beats "what do you do?" They may reply something like, "what do you want to know?" You can then counter with "anything you want to share about yourself i.e. hobbies, pets, a vacation, your children, or your work life. I just want to know you better." A surprised smile generally appears along with delightful spontaneous conversation. Poof! A new friend appears. ?

What you really value comes out in your choice of topics. If it's not edifying or uplifting, is it necessary? Let's dwell on what is going right even in a difficult economy. I overheard one man say "I hope my ship comes in before my dock rots." Another unique father having dinner with his three teenage sons said "Due to the economy, I am afraid that I'm going to have to let one of you go." Having fun during a difficult time is a sign of emotional intelligence. That is a skill that I incorporate into my keynotes. Call me and we'll talk …